Day21 - Yosemite

Almost my entire day was spent in bed, in conversation, and in a tent in a deserted part of Yosemite. The energy from yesterday had not left. I didn't know how else to handle it, so I let my thoughts run away with me. The fact that we never left the tent was rather amusing, considering I hadn't expected to spend long in it but instead off adventuring like in Brussels - gladly there were no complaints; it was an especially nice way to spend a Sunday. I liked the setting, I hope to visit again, this time venturing out into the wilderness - perhaps to find the mysterious bear that was growling in the distance; skinny dipping in a fresh water stream, pond or waterfall; picking out a trail on a map leading to views of the grand canyon & hiking to it; making love in the middle of a field full of knee-high yellow wildflowers, as the sunshine accentuates every flower's aura; napping briefly amongst the trees in the afternoon warmth before the excitement takes over once again & we're on the move.

I had another dream today - it concerned me that my automatic trigger to awaken & write the dream was slightly subdued. It's a valuable trait for me to instantly reach for one of my digital notepads in a less-than-half-awake state & enter key points from dreams. In 2010 I have been doing this most nights. I intend to keep it up.

After summoning myself from the horizontal, fatigued & ever-so-slightly chafed, I took myself for a walk.

Inspired, I came home and picked up my guitar. I sang through afew songs, but the energy for singing & performance was on the weak side - possibly somewhat exhausted. Fortunately, the energy for creation was full & I finished lyrics to Wine & Tragedy. It's currently one of my favourite songs to play & I'm very proud of the completed lyrics - they've been some of the most difficult to write structurally & conceptually, and today I nailed them. At least I hope I still like them in the morning =D Like some strange compositional version of OCD, I just kept writing until every section, every word, every nuance, had been analyzed & refined, perfected.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day20 - Duff

I was up later than I should have been, I drank more than I should have, I spent more money than I should have, but it was so refreshing to be out with relative strangers. Had it been some of several others who I'd been out with before, I might not have gone. I don't know what it is about new experiences that inspires me so much. Perhaps it's the formation of new & unique memories & the the delight of the brain as a section is tickled for the first time. Maybe I do know after all =)

As a result, I decided today would be a good indoors day. I should've been sleepier than I was, but something had me energized beyond my normal state. Maybe it was the night out. I did get in afew extra hours during the day, and that energy did not leave me, no matter what I tried.

I went for a couple of walks, took a photo of a front yard carpeted in vibrant oranges, reds, yellows & browns, but otherwise stayed put.



I love 2AM. I could've slept at several more points throughout the day, but energy and conversation was driving me, and surprizingly I stayed awake until The Magic Hour.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day19 - Club Verandah

Eventful day: accomplished a fair bit at work, then the festivities started. They put on an excellent spread: much cheese & many crackers. The wine didn't seem to run out for a change, though I nabbed the last Heinekin from the secret fridge on my way out.

One of the ex-PR girls stopped by to say hello with her friend & the 3 of us wandered the streets before ending up at a club with a verandah overlooking Darling Harbor. Spectacular =)

Let it never be said that Bobby doesn't dance (though I must be dragged). I spent most of the time waiting for an emotive song to play but it was mostly empty sounds. There were afew beautiful songs that played & the accompanying moments were awesome.

Before bed I ate a caramel creme egg, walnuts & cashews. I bought a replacement creme egg for the one I gobbled from the home coffee table a couple of weeks back, but I ate that too =p

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day18 - Charcoal Grey

Hands were cold all morning but I refused to wear gloves. Felt like feeling my bones chill. Sometimes a bit of pain or discomfort is healthy. I didn't take my scarf with me either today. The scarf is the only one I own. It was a gift & has meaning for me, plus it's my favorite colour charcoal grey & suits me to a tee. The other day a client complimented me on it. She also noticed I'd lost weight then proceeded to boggle after I told her I'd lost around 15Kg since xmas. It's nice to have someone notice these things. I think I may be inherently oblivious to seeing similar things in others, but this is something I've recognized for some time & so I continually work to mold myself away from the oblivious & towards the aware. With enough time, this sort of inherency changes.

I soaked my bones again last night in a steaming bath. It's becoming a beloved daily ritual: lying in the bath chatting away. This time I added iceblocks into the mix & embraced the hot/cold contrast. I felt the sugar-fueled energy course through me.

Wine - though also sweet - countered the alertness boost. By the end of the bath I was ready for my fluffy blankets.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

PS Soap trays also make excellent wine glass holders.

Day17 - Dent

I don't like seeing the days go up.

Today it rained almost non-stop. For a good deal of it I was indoors, loving being amongst the ferocity but safe & warm. I had the urge to run out into it, removing my clothing with every step. I save these moments for holidays, by choice but not by preference.

My triceps are killing me, right on schedule. The shoulder pain came a bit earlier & more intensely than expected this morning, but both not surprizing considering the length it's been since the last time these groups were exercised. On Monday I did my tri, back & shoulder workout, which constitutes my secondary workout day. It's the least fun of the 2 days, and slightly longer, but I know it helps with the primary workout day (biceps/pecs), so I expect the next session to be somewhat hectic & jimp-worthy. I'm already contemplating the soundtrack: late 60's to late 70's funk & soul (Earth, Wind & Fire; Bobby Womack; etc).

I walked into a door before, then straight to the mirror to view the fine dent I'd made in my skull. Blood came slowly, I figure the bruise will be a beauty. I think the cut from my sandwich-related mishap last week might scar but I dont' mind too much: after all, it's on my scar-hand.

So I chatted, replied to emails, then contemplated bath sleep or record... I'd already been recording, so bath won, just to keep the water (and wine) fairies happy with me...

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day16 - A Million

Extremely flat & bewildered today. On top of that, work has been stressful. Phone going non-stop. Jobs backed up. Everyone wanting something yesterday. Although the nature of my work is subject to ebb & flow, this is just ridiculous.

But I did something today that made me feel like a million dollars.

I can feel the awesome joy bubbling through my skin.

Let nothing get me down.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day15 - 3D

Halfway through the month.

It was quite a good day overall - very fun and positive up until a point. Noone likes the feeling that they're a disappointment to others. It's carried over into today.

Deflated. Discombobulated. Disconnected.

Despite this, I worked hard last night. Finished everything I set out to do.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day14 - Roulette

Much of today was spent horizontally, with dehydration and a parched tongue dual reminders of the red wine I had still been sipping in the wee hours.

The evening was fun, with new people to get to know, and the great catalyst to friendship: laughter - forged by the ceremonial passing of the wireless keyboard as we played Youtube Roulette & voted for the best & worst of each round.

As the numbers dwindled, the game changed: a guitar was thrust into my hands, random music clips were queued up & it was my challenge to play along. Not being much of a jam musician, I did my best at disclaimerizing before attempting anyway. Each song went well, there was encouragement from the others & they seemed to be having fun.

Before I knew it, the time had crept past 0400... it might as well have been 2000 the night before for the alert state of all of us, but I suggested it was time for home, so I could at least enjoy some of my Sunday awake.

The co-authored story from yesterday had been retold & I anticipated the opportunity to read it when alone. Fed full with peanuts over the course of the night, I then made myself a bowl of cocopops chaser & sat back to read & re-experience. It was the first half the story, told with the character that makes the writing distinctly hers. I love reading most of her work, but that which I'm a part of blows me away each & every time.

I wanted to convey my enjoyment, so I composed a new email, starting off with "I love", then I stopped. Those 2 words had just conveyed my state of mind right then in that moment.

Just love. Pure love. What I like to call the Oneness.

I took this feeling that she had generated in me & slipped into bed before the sun rose.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day13 - Brussels

Music took hold of me this morning. In place of gym, I finished working on the guitar tracks I'd started last night for In The Air, with some urgency to record while the strings on my guitar are still fresh. Melodies are growing around the rhythm tracks; the song's flowering - it reminds me a lot of the songs I was writing 2-3 years ago: beautiful soundscapes, built on acoustica.

The afternoon was spent in Brussels - at least in the shared imaginings of an alternate dimension couple, summoned via instant messaging chat. It was so much fun being co-author of a story of romantic adventure, the enthusiasm & passion we both felt came through strongly. It started with the idea - of which she has many good ones - of a romantic picnic in the park. I expanded the setting to Europe. From there our imaginations ran wild, from the bell tower to street art, open air markets, a deciduous forest & nearby caves with the subterranean lake where spirits are free to soar, to the riverboat, the cabin & comfort, realization, mutual understanding.

One day I will do these things.

It is the most logical outcome.

Day12 - Rain

Today was about rain.

Sunny as we left the office, within seconds the downpour began, so we took brief shelter before hailing a cab. Crossing the bridge I took a moment to look back at the city - I couldn't see it; but instead a deep grey morass obscured all. So beautiful.

I had to make a call - it was important that we took the time. She knew it too. I'm so glad she is not one to shut down, close off. This is important to me, to her. Mixed up & still working through thoughts, I requested a reprieve.

Out of the blue she sent me a lovely email that told me without saying it specifically: everything was ok between us. I appreciated this email more than she's probably aware.

Watching a duo of golden leaves dance in a whirlwind took my breath away; reminded me of her. Being something she would like, I wished that she was there to share it with, then laughed to myself thinking that if she was there, I would be enthralled watching her & not the leaves.

We spoke candidly. I love this: not that it necessarily needed to be a serious conversation - even in the most serious chats we insert the ridiculous - but that it was just free. Free from the limitations of text-only communication. Free to not hold back like I had been doing or defer them. Free to speak my mind & know I'd be understood through just a tone or inflection.

In the process I learnt more about her; to understand her more.

My favourite nugget of enlightenment/reaffirmation - providing different answers to the same questions but on different days is acceptable. We understand this about each other better than perhaps anyone else. I took great enjoyment & describing the relief & comfort this gives me.

As the cars sluiced through the damp roads outside, she asked me if we'd ever run out of things to say. I didn't answer succinctly, so I'm answering now: not in a lifetime.

I didn't get to finish describing my dream. I will save it for the next time we talk.

It seems to be the most logical solution.

Day11 - Materialism

I took a server quote profit from a flat $200 to over $800 today. Not a bad increase, especially from a $3.5K sale: pretty typical of my way of performing sales - while still providing the client a discount & undercutting the main competition. I really think sales are my strong point - I'd like to focus more on this area. I understand the mindset of clients & their available options, I also do the research required to give me the intelligence/edge.

Strange then that I'm not very materialistic. I admire beauty but abhor status symbols. Sometimes they're mutually inclusive, I focus on the beauty, or look elsewhere for that without the taint. I live simply, well, & want for very little. I love the saying "you can't take it with you". The accumulation of wealth has never seemed difficult to me: just a matter of investing the time & timing your investments. If one thing does make me wake in the early hours, it's the thought of finances, but that has not occurred for a long time (I'm too busy dreaming about performing astral projection experiments!). Maybe that's why I treat sales like a game.

Interesting then to think that I initially proved my market skills in another game: EQ (and other subsequent mmo's where I've bothered to invest the time). I still have the spreadsheets I used as ledgers, that I later used in WoW & Warhammer. I had a ball with trading in EQ - almost as much fun as the game itself, however both are insane timesinks. Even though loads of fun & some awesome memories, these days I feel like I'm wasting my life playing & not necessarily learning as much as I could be, or even better: creating. I've proven my skills in virtual currencies, I have no desire to do so again. I need to find a real-life equivalent to put my skills to use. I don't get bad returns on my current investments, but I know there's more out there for me. More RL gaming to be had =) I played EQ for 3.5 years, but in the end I wasn't playing the game, I was exclusively trading. Buy low, sell high, know the market, time your purchases. Pretty simple formula. Once I reached my goal of an impressive 1,000,000 platinum profit (2.5K cash in the bank) I quit.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

PS resumed my bathing ritual tonight. Bath oils, half a bottle of a slightly sour moscato (Wolf Blass), and some sobering (and ironic) viewing: watching Celebrity Rehab. That show invariably makes me cry - it really gives me much encouragement, inspiration & renewed vigor.

Day10 - Double Rainbows

Today was a strange one, almost surreal. It started with double rainbows perfectly flanking the harbor bridge. It was too warm for my scarf but when I saw the charcoal grey that consumed the city between the bows, so I was glad I'd brought it. Into the rain I rode, wishing I had the luxury to just step out into it & be soaked, walking around feeling the water molecules filling my airways.

Point of note: I love the idea of being flanked by rainbows.

Today will remain somewhat of a blur, but will stick out amongst the countless workdays for my friend who was having a rough one. I took some time out to have a chat with her while pacing Darling Harbor. We ended up chatting for 68 minutes. 1 off my favourite number. Yin Yang.

I had hoped to deliver to her some of the rainbow joy I'd felt earlier, and if non-transmittable, at least pass some time with her in an enjoyable way.

As I chatted, I paced the empty balcony level external to the convention centre. It was nice to have such a huge area to myself in such a crowded city. I say "myself" but I wasn't alone: I had my favourite company with me.

Tonight I've been working on one of my newer songs, In The Air - and enthusiastically so. I hope it sounds as good in the morning as it does tonight. It might find it's way to the ears it's meant for.

Earlier today as I walked until my ears started to crispen... I pondered "bad days" and came to the conclusion that when it comes to weather, there's really no such thing as a bad day. I feel like this is somewhat of an epiphany for me. I've stored this wisdom to carry with me for life & hopefully pass on to others, the positive perspective.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day9 - Bizarre

What a bizarre day.

It started at 0130 with a dream featuring my friend & I, working as a couple, experimenting with astral projection - like the modern day new age Curies, but with spreadsheets & documentation, checklists & scientific method. Both excited & happy in the dream, it was a wonderful team to be half of.

The rain was pouring beautifully as I spent my morning with a client. A laptop build. Cruise control (the easy-to-set kind).

Later in the day, back in the office, we were setting records for email counts within a single day. I was having fun, doing not alot of work in the process, but the work would still be there later so I was glad to grab the moment while it was going. Then a serious reference was made, but seemed to be shrugged off as quickly as it had appeared. I had a moment of frustration. Only now thinking back on it do I realize it probably stemmed from the earlier dreams... the closeness of sharing, or sharing of closeness, seemed to be MIA, where only 14 hours earlier it was there & so tangible! For the first time in a long while, I had to remove myself from the situation so I could refocus & return with clarity. It seemed to help & upon my return I sent apologies for my abrupt departure.

The day ended with a line up of interesting events: the Survivor season 20 finale (possibly the best season ever!), a fantastic chicken laksa from my preferred local thai joint, 2 bottles of different label moscato's (neither of which did I end up tasting), and emails of a serious nature. By this point I was wiped. I wasn't exactly sure what had happened, but I knew I wanted to make it right - only it would have to wait for the the next day. Knowing I had received a /hug eased my worry. My /hug was missed by seconds in chat, but I knew it would be the first thing received in the morning & that made me smile.

So I drew a long bath, drew my shape in the water, slipped into steaming liquid & slipped out of my skin.

It seemed like the most logical solution.

Day8 - Custom

Probably the only real negative about the gym is that I get such enjoyment out of it that it can be frustrating having to wait afew days for recovery.

But today I feel awesome.

Not sure how doing a pec/bicep workout gave me a slightly strained tricep though... possibly the bench press. I'm enjoying the experience of seeing immediate (with hours) changes to my body. I can directly see the impact of a large meal from the shape of my belly - the difference was visible but so much more subtle when it was obscured by surrounding energy reserves. Perhaps this, combined with reduced stomach capacity, is in part what helps leaner bodies stay lean.

Another interesting feature is the visible effects of stimulated muscles - both in the gym, where I can see more & more of the actual muscle with every month, or later that same day when the veins are no longer pronounced & the pump long gone, but rigidity is most apparent.

Aside from the physical, I've been sensually & emotionally open today - matched by the looped custom-made Elton John playlist (Your Song, Rocket Man, Daniel, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road). Not a big fan of the lyrics, but there are some very choice lines (ref. the chorus to Your Song, which just melts me).

Wish I could share music with you, but I find myself holding back links/songs. It's somewhat stifling not being able to do so.

...back from digression, dinner was later than usual due to a late finish. 175g of rice - half of last night's dinner. Being a gym-day I figured I'd better throw in some protein. One 85g protein bar later & that took my combined dinner up to 30g of protein, with a nice dose of carbs thrown in. Problem was, I wanted a soak in the tub as well as munch dinner before it got too late. Eating in the bath is quite strange, but it seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day7 - Six Shots of Lava

A 2 hour nap today. Body felt supple, bones liquid just as after a long bath...

In lava.

Flatmate was spring cleaning at the opposite end of the year (of which I'm particularly glad since all of the clutter strewn around the place is/was his). Hearing activity, energy exerted, helped me appreciate my horizontal state tenfold.

Random music blasting from beyond. Summoning myself from the sofa has been difficult today.

Bath was divine. Exactly one week ago I was in the most amazing mindset, having one of the most enjoyable weekends in a very long time. I miss it. I'm all about distractions from missing it.

I hit 6 before my nap. The last one hurt (in a good way), but for distraction it seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day6 - Flame Day

I awoke with an energy running liquid fire through my veins.

I spent a good portion of the day in memory fantasy fusion, in conversation with she who inspires so much more, and hesitant to leave, but I'd left the day to grow as late as I could, and what use is inspiration if it's not channeled at some point?

We played for several hours, but mostly talked about music, our various projects & - since we're all constantly writing - which songs we wanted to bring to the group.

I realized late that I hadn't eaten all day. The energy does that to me - makes me feel sustained, forget the nutrients that my body eventually craves.

While cutting turkish bread I sliced my hand open. Aside from noticing the gush of red & heading for a tap, my first thought was on embracing the initial pain. It was no worse than a bee sting. I was almost disappointed. My next thought was "how will this affect my guitar playing tonight". Fortunately, once the plaster was on I forgot about the whole incident & proceded to almost slice my hand open again with the same knife, amusing myself muchly in the process.

I went to sleep with a blissful mindset. Words from earlier that day ringing through my head, driving the push for my seed to be summoned, and bring forth they did.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day5 - The Walk-in

Me making a courtesy call to client to let them know I'm running late (1 freeway bus came after 15mins of none... and it was full): "...but I'm in a cab now, so I will be there shortly".

Client Grumpypantsreceptionist: "well get here quickly, doctor doesn't like to be kept waiting".

Me, reiterating & making it obvious I'm in no mood to be toiled with: "Well I'm in a cab, so I'll be as long the cab takes".

I don't take shit from grumpy clients, but be polite & I'll come bearing smiles & solutions.

Bonus Friday double fail: they're running Vista on a Mac.

----

The client runs a dental practice in one of the wealthier suburbs, Double Bay. So I made it to the client, met with the doc. She was so thoughtfully dressed that she matched the decor, but with hair extensions. Age: early 40's.

Our junior tech had been out there the week before & couldn't solve the problem. I nailed it in 5mins using the very website he was referencing for settings, so at least he was on the right track, but the client was left with a bad taste in her mouth, and this appeared to have filtered down to the receptionist, but both of them weren't afraid to touch me when they were in proximity. Any residual aftertaste of last week was gone.

Then there was the walk-in. I called the doc's name before entering the back room, she replied so I walked in to discover her changing from street clothes to work. I immediately apologized, but she indicated that it was fine & continued going about her business while chatting. Whether trust &/or shamelessness, it was not even slightly uncomfortable.

Friday drinks petered out early, so I hit a bbq at a friends. Didn't feel like being alone.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

PS LOL some guy outside my window just yelled "fuck you arsehole".

Go booze. :|

Day4 - Foam

Foamy feet: It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day3 - Musely

I was struck by inspiration today. It didn't take much, just key ideas at the right moments. I wonder if a muse is always aware of their museliness. Mmmm musely.

So I moved myself into gear, poised to record. I then encountered those lovely computer recording & playback issues that have plagued me of late. I managed to get it all working in the end, but by that point I had deflated somewhat, lost the spark. I know when not to force it, so I retired in the knowledge that at least I'd played for an hour, and would draw on the creative font another day...

With Black Books behind me, it's the IT Crowd that brings guaranteed belly laughs. I feel I need them today, but with only 6 episodes per year I must meter out the laughter.

So I poured myself a bath & drew a glass of moscato, trying to stay awake.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day2 - Clipped

Earlier today I had lunch in North Sydney. A woman on the train was happily clipping her nails next to me. Where do the unwanted nails go? On the floor of course.

I watched her for a bit, with more than a modicum of disgust. With claws like that I'm not surprized she needs to carry around an industrial-sized nail clipper (seriously, it was as big as my index finger). Her nails are almost black & appear extremely thick & talon like (& not in a sexy, scratch-your-back sort of way).

Although I just consider myself fortunate to not have received a stray projectile nail in the eye, I was so scarred from the experience that I'm now soothing the pain by laying in a bath watching Black Books.

No iceblocks tonight, but a glass of moscato suits me nicely.

^It seemed to be the most logical solution.

Day1 - Circuits

A fuse blew in the circuit box tonight cutting off power to all the AC outlets. The fuse was replaced but it blew again, causing the toaster to go "popzap!" This of course meant that the fridge was powered off, so I had no choice but to run a bath, fire up the laptop with Black Books & eat all the iceblocks before they melted.

It seemed to be the most logical solution.